


Kahinaan

by kuhleesi



Category: Hiraya (Karanduun), Karanduun
Genre: Pain, just pain, taglish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:08:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27667949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kuhleesi/pseuds/kuhleesi
Summary: Tala's internal monologue during Duran's last moments.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 3





	Kahinaan

“ _Protektahan niyo ang isa’t isa._ ”

Sa ilang beses na ginawa ko iyon para sa Hiraya, eto ang hindi ko maintindihan. Kung bakit si Duran, na tinuring ko nang pamilya, ang hindi ko ma-protektahan.

Parang kanina lang, ang pagkanta ko ang prumotekta kay Has at Inday. But before I can even open my mouth to sing again, to raise my hand to try and pull him back towards me for safety, his eyes meet mine.

“Don’t you dare.” Is all I manage to choke out, and then he erupts, and I swear I can hear every cell in his body scream in pain, fighting to live. There is a rush of Gahum that pushes me back, and there is burning heat.

What I know is this: Even until the very end, Duran fought back his raw instinct to live. I could see it in his eyes. I felt it, when I closed my own as the force of his power hit me. Pero, bumitaw siya, sa pinaka-huling sandali, na may pagtangap na hindi niya na kami makikita muli.

At ang naisip ko lang sa sandaling iyon ay: Alam ba niya kung gaano namin siya kailangan, lalo na ngayon?

Alam ba niya that I’ll be so, so lost without him?

I swear, there is nothing after that. I could have been stabbed in the chest then and there, and I wouldn’t have noticed. The pain in my chest is unbearable enough. I was speechless, numb, immobile. I was useless.

And the last words that repeat in my head over and over are the words on that damn file: _She’s weak._ and it is validated. I’m useless, I always have been. If I had an inch of everyone else’s power, I would have been able to save him. Instead, all I did was stare. Just _stare_ , as if it wasn’t me who caused all of this.

I feel someone grab me and start pulling me away, and that’s the only time I come back to my senses. I begin to resist, to pull back, to go towards where I last saw Duran.

 _She’s weak_.

“No, no, no no, _no_.” I screech as the grief takes over, as my eyes spill with tears. My hair is a wild mess now, clinging to my wet cheeks, my mouth. I try to fight against the arms that circle around my waist, the hands that pull me away.

_She’s weak._

I reach out, as if that would help, as if that would get whoever’s holding me back to understand that I wouldn’t be able to bear the guilt of leaving Tito Duran behind, “No, no, no. Please.” The last word comes out as a hoarse whisper as my feet leave the ground and I am taken away, out of the falling debris, hopeless, useless, weak.

Asterio. 

Rosaria. 

Duran. 

We just left them behind. We didn’t even try to rescue them, we just… left. Ganoon na lang ba talaga kadali para sa kanilang lahat na kalimutan ang lahat ng pinagsamahan namin? Na kalimutan ang pagkakaibigan namin? 

It’s night when we emerge from underground, and the cold air bites. As if mocking us, that there is no comfort even in this safety.

Has is on his knees, digging down desperately at the caved in hole. Inday and Martinez are arguing.

And it’s all too much. I fall to my knees and weep, for what else could I do?

Mahina lang ako.

At kung ang mga nakapalibot sa akin na higit na mas malakas sakin ay walang magawa, ano pa ba ang kayang gawin ng mahinang tulad ko?

**Author's Note:**

> speed


End file.
